Here’s to you, Line Jumper!

Posted by You Sir on May 26, 2010 in Featured, Here's to you Sir! | 8 comments

One of the rules I have for this site is that I won’t write about people I know.  I’m going to break that rule today.  One of my coworkers so proudly commits one of my biggest pet peeves on an almost daily basis that he is no longer protected under this rule.  He’s a line jumper. He owns a Corvette and this car means the world to him.  It’s almost all he ever talks about.  He keeps it covered in the parking lot so pollen and dust won’t get on it.  He washes it with a wet towel in the rain.  In.  The.  Rain.  He usually parks it so far away from our office that I don’t know he’s actually at work when I arrive.  When he does this, he usually tucks it neatly within the confines of one parking space, always backing in.  On some days, however, he feels it necessary to park right next to our office.  On those same days, to keep it protected from dings and scratches, he takes up two parking spaces.  He’s a line jumper, purposely...Read More

Here’s to you, Cold Water!

Posted by You Sir on May 24, 2010 in Featured, Here's to you Sir! | 0 comments

I was on the interstate Saturday driving back to my house when I came upon two guys on motorcycles. From a distance, they were some pretty bad looking dudes. They had tricked out Harleys, skull face masks, and both were wearing black leather vests. On the back of the vests were each person’s biker nickname. I owned a motorcycle for a few years, but I’m by no means a biker. I’m not really sure of how these groups, or clubs, or “gangs”, if you will, are run. I don’t know how you go about getting your nickname, but in the case of these two gentlemen, one seems slightly unfortunate and the other, absolutely tragic. The first biker was named Ice Man. That’s a reasonable nickname. Amongst many possible references, you’ve got the Marvel comic character who first appeared in an X-Men comic in 1963. There’s the famous frozen mummified corpse from approximately 3300 BC which was discovered in the Alps in 1991. There is, of course,...Read More

Here’s to you, two-stager!

Posted by You Sir on May 21, 2010 in Conversations overheard, Featured, Here's to you Sir!, Once Upon a Time in a Restroom | 2 comments

I would guess that public restrooms are a place of never ending awkwardness because it’s the only place on earth where you partake in your most personal and private events in such close proximity to other people who are also partaking in their own personal and private events.  Everyone has their own habits and intricacies, but I would have to say there are a few universal unspoken rules regarding public restrooms.  The most important of which is no talking.  Seriously, don’t talk.  I’m busy, you’re busy, and we should both be focusing on the tasks at hand.  During the Braves game yesterday I ran into the most heinous of bathroom offenders, cell phone guy.  Let’s call him Jake.  I don’t care how important this phone call is, Jake, but you need to hang up.  It’s just awkward.  Every bathroom has that same echoey, empty, “why did it just get suddenly quiet where you are?” sound to it.  You’re not fooling anyone on the...Read More

Here’s to you, mama bears!

Posted by You Sir on May 19, 2010 in Here's to you Sir! | 2 comments

Being the big fat fatty that I am (see Here’s to you, Dante!), I eat my fair share of meals at all you can eat buffets.  I’m no stranger to the pizza buffet and can put away some Chinese food, but I also end up at some slightly more exotic locations.  There is a Persian buffet near our office that has made the rotation of workday lunch spots, but after our last visit, I don’t know that it’s staying on that list. Let me set the scene.  It’s dark, very dark, and everything is covered with a rug.  Seriously.  Walls, booths, floor, stage, everything.  The exposed wooden table tops are the only things not covered with a rug.  They have big pillow lined areas for large parties if you want to sit on the floor, eat some delicious kabobs, smoke a hookah, and enjoy some belly dancers in the evenings.  At lunch, however, the place is pretty desolate.  The buffet is somewhat limited and doesn’t offer much variety.  But one thing they do have is very...Read More

Here’s to you, security camera!

Posted by You Sir on May 18, 2010 in Featured, Here's to you Sir!, Inanimate Objects | 5 comments

It’s the summer after my freshman year of college.  I’m 19 years old and invincible.  Or so I thought.  I’m standing in line to buy gas at a gas station near my house.  There’s a surprisingly slow moving line.  Someone is having the cashier check their lottery tickets and cashing out their winnings.  Nothing impressive.  As I’m waiting I notice the security monitor behind the cashier as it switches between several different cameras placed around the convenience store.  One outside showing the pumps, another on the entrance, a third filming the beer cooler, and a fourth and final camera recording the customers in line.  The camera is placed behind me, over my right shoulder, somewhere on the opposite wall. The monitor moves through its standard cycle and comes once again to the customers in line.  As I watch, I notice a guy that looks a lot like me; same shirt, same pants, but with a big bald spot on the back of his head. My immediate reaction...Read More